Chocolate Pudding

Life is a complete mess.

I don’t mean this is a hopeless, rip your hair out way, more sweet, like a toddler covered in chocolate pudding.

As much as I think I am this free thinker, this go-with-the-flow let’s see where life takes me, kind of person, I still try to control. I still try to clean up, to order, to try and fix things and people.

I guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We are all trying to create some kind of order out of the chaos that it is to be human, but I think the danger in doing so is refusing to see our humanity.

I am human. We are all human. What does that mean?

My burn scab bleeds when I pick it. I am indecisive and judgmental. I long for intimacy and for someone to see me for who I am. I am a bundle of contradictions, addictions, a tangled mess of beauty and ugliness and love and hate. We all are.

I don’t think being a Christian means ignoring that, or somehow thinking we are above all that. Because Jesus is ultimate reality, looking to Him should lead us to complete honesty. We want to be so spiritual, we want to play God, so we control. I do it all the time. I plan out how conversations and situations are going to look in my head. I manipulate to try to get people to see my accomplishments, my “brilliance.” It’s gross, it’s pride. It’s our fallen humanity in action.

I am beginning to see that life is a mess, but the mess is in fact beautiful.

Does parent love their kid any less when they smear chocolate pudding all over their faces? It’s funny, no matter how many times you give a little kid a bath, it’s like they keep getting dirty. It’s almost like they are a dirt magnet.

Being human means we’re gonna get dirty.

It’s inevitable. We’re going to say things we regret, we are going to feel insecure one moment, puffed up the next.

Our hearts are going to break.

I see Jesus in this too.
In fact, I see Jesus more in the moments I am smeared with self hate or chocolate pudding or mud or condemnation.

He’s there... Smiling...
“I love you. You’re beautiful... Now, let’s go take a bath.”